Yuletide brain dump

For most of the western civilization, this is a hectic time of year.  It is also a fraught time of year when you have recently lost someone close to you.  So allow me to hereby present a ramble of things on my mind these days;

My aunt just canceled our the Xmas get together on my dad's side of the family due to adverse weather conditions.  I believe the straw that broke the camel's back was when my uncle, her brother said he was fine with coming over in the snow/wind/sub-zero temps, but he hadn't gotten his shopping done, so he wouldn't be upset if we delayed.  We do a yankee-swap, so he only has to buy one gift.  He can go to fucking Walgreens and have his pick of $25 gift cards.  And my hand to God, if we delayed until next November, he still wouldn't be ready.  Because he doesn't operate in advance, he does it when he's under the gun.  Now that's all fine and good, but don't commingle your best-operating procedure with someone else's fear of the weather. They are not the same.

Roughly 12-18 months ago, I somehow ran afoul of my co-worker.  Her shit list is long, and everyone has been on it at one point or another.  However, I somehow managed to extricate myself from it, and worked doubly hard to avoid being on it again.  We'll, somehow, I am.  I had only a vague idea why I was on it the first time, and since I've been extra cautious and extra careful ever since, I have no earthly clue what perceived slight I managed this time.  Two parts of this particularly bother me: one was this morning int he break room when she managed to return my hello, but refused to answer my "how are you" for the second time this week, but then went on to ask in-depth questions of my co-worker, standing next to me, about her new job promotion.  A promotion she hadn't even known about until I mentioned it 5 seconds previously.  The other is that a few months ago, I came to her in a rush worried something I said was misconstrued and that I may have offended her. she says, oh don't' worry, if I'm offended, I'll tell you.  Well, unless ignoring and non-response is "telling", that's a big fucking lie.  I don't know whether I should make the effort, or just let this one go.  I know this time I didn't do anything wrong, and I"m tired of being terrified of her.  I'm sorry she's so unhappy.

My cousin still hasn't sent me his Xmas list.  I just want to know what gc at Walgreens I should buy.  Maybe I should just give him a gc to Walgreens so he can trade it in for another gc.

I wish I had my mom to talk to about all these things.  The holidays aren't the same without her.

I keep buying gifts, and then forgetting what gifts I still have left to buy, thus buying more gifts.  Not good for my checkbook.


Who is this strange man?

It’s my paternal grandfather’s birthday today.  I just got an email from my dad; he went out to Ft. Snelling by himself today to see the grave.

Who is this grave-visiting, church-attending, mild-mannered man who looks like my father?

party notes

I made:

three-packages of wings (had roughly 1-1.5 packages left at end of night) (DON"T BUY WINGS NOT ALREADY PREPPED / NEED CUTTING!  TOO MUCH WORK FOR DAY OF!)

-2/3 size coeur de creme (had at least half left.  I bought Major Grey's chutney by Stonewall, but I like TJ's better

-Mushroop app - I think I ate most of it, but roughly half was left

- Veggies and dip -  I had three kinds of veggies, and almost all of it was left behind.  Definitely cut back significantly

- Chef John's baked brie with cranberries and pecans (because I didn't have walnuts).  I thought it was tasty, and would do again.  Not sure anyone else cared/noticed

-Clementines; lots left, but no worries

-Ginger creams, by Christine's request, although I don't think anyone else ate them.

-Punch (2L Gingerale, half gallon of cider, and half a bottle of rose's lime, plus a cranberry ice ring)

-Feta stuffed olives (

Other peopel brought:

a pesto, pepper jelly, almond cheeseball (emily)
Cool Ranch Doritoes and Cookie Cart Cookies (christine)
Cookies (Natanya)
Brownie bites (shelley and joe)
Lindt truffles (amanda and rich)
Chips and salsa (S&L)

Some spreaders would be nice.


A hangover of sorts

I had my annual holiday party on Saturday. I was up late on Friday, up early on Saturday getting ready. I went all day with hardly a break, and almost fell asleep on the couch after everyone left Saturday night. I slept in late Sunday morning, went to yoga, saw a movie, then came home and took a nap. I couldn't shake the tireds all day, and pushed myself to stay up until 11p.

And yet, I lay in bed for three fucking hours and could not fall asleep.

Now I've called into work, and am struggling with the blues. Everyone is annoying, and nobody cares. What the fuck is happening to me?



Yesterday, I gave money to the Human Rights Campaign, Planned Parenthood, and World Bicycle Relief.  I also have plans to give money to the ACLU and Minnesota Legal Aid, as well as find a way to swing a subscription to the New York Times.

Aside from the normal reasons why someone would give, especially to these types of causes in this particular climate, I made these donations for two additional reasons.

One was to challenge my mindset about lack of money.  I often feel like I don't have enough money to do all the things I want to do.  Giving away money, even as little as $10, can be painful for me.  I am so afraid I won't have enough, even though I often don't even miss it.  So by donating this money, I hope to send a message of affluence and plenty both to my self and to my HP.

Additionally, few who know me would be surprised to know that I am rocked by this election cycle, and not in a good way.  The best way I know to combat this is to donate to causes that share my values in the hopes that those funds can help defend the progress we have fought to defend.