- I talked to a friend
- I reviewed my day
- I had a meeting today
Independently, these all seem like basic, work-a-day items, but they had a resounding effect.
I hate my job, or at least don't like much of it, and I am ready to leave in the near future.
I ran into J in the skyway. We talked about working together at Unnamed Local Chain Coffee Shop. He offered me a job, but I turned it down because it wouldn't be a step forward. I thought about all the things that I had liked about working for him. But I realized that I really do want my quiet, cubicle office job. But that's now what I have.
Then I started thinking about my day. I felt like my inner-monologue kept saying, "but I HATE doing (x,y,z)." I frequently have the thought, "I don't want to go to work today," so I call out more than I should, and means I have less money, and it takes longer for me to get PTO through my temp company. I realized that the only parts of my job that I really liked was when it was slow enough for me to read or knit, two things that although acceptable, realistically are not why they pay me to be there.
And then I had my re-training for Mass Tort today. My supervisor's almost direct quote was, "If you really don't think this is for you, let me know. But realistically, this is the direction we are headed. Everyone will have to know this eventually, because this is our future."
And that's when I knew my future was not with this company.
So, I spent the afternoon doing a bit more thinking. If I'm going to leave, when will I do it? My contract is up the end of this month. That would be convienient. But the holidays are right around the corner, and I plan on taking the week between Christmas and New Years off. If I start up with another company, they may not find that too appealing. So I'm thinking that I'm going to do two things: 1) I'm going to start looking and praying for actively for my new right place and 2) if I have not found a new job by the beginning of the new year, I will ask ProStaff to end my assignment at my current place and find me another position.
In this economy, it can sometimes feel blasphemous to say, "I don't like my job." We should all be grateful, and I am. I am mindful and grateful of the good already received (or at least try to be.) But I think there's something to be said for reaching and not settling. I am not happy where I am. In fact, except for my previous full-time employment, I have not been happy since I worked with J. But I know that I can be happy. Divine Love always has and always will meet every human need. Always, all ways.
So now, I just need to get to work, physically and metaphysically.
