an open letter

I feel compelled to fill you in on something.  You mentioned that some family members are anxious for us to start having kids.  We’re excited too, but the truth is, it’s very unlikely that I’m able to have kids.  I don’t have a medical diagnosis for a number of reasons, but I am looking into getting MN Care so I can find out more.  Because of my unlikelihood of conceiving, it makes money even more an issue.  Seeing as Sean and I continue to make less every year than we have the year before, the cost becomes less and less attainable.

This information isn’t a secret, but it’s very difficult to talk about.  Not only is it personal, but it makes me unbearably sad.  I really hope we’ll be parents some day.  We still frequently talk about baby names and day care options.  Realistically however, it will probably be many years before we’re able to overcome these issues.

I apologize for not being more forthright with you, but like I said, it’s very difficult for me to talk about.

I love you very much, and so appreciate all the support and love you have given us.

time for an update

Where to begin?

Books:
I have read a crazy amount of books so far this year.  24 to be exact.  That is roughly half of my goal for the year.  Why so many?  Because I do next to nothing at my job.  I answer, on average, between 10-15 calls a day.  That leaves a lot of time on one's hands.  So I've been reading between 3-5 books a week.  This means I've been making a good pace towards getting my 80 library requests down to 30.  In fact, if all things stay the same, I should be through it by June or so.  On the one hand, that's crazy.  No one should be paid to have that much time on their hands.  On the other, it's likely I never will be paid again to have this much time on my hands, so let's enjoy it while we can, shall we?

I did get through Alice in Wonderland in January.  I'm trying to get myself worked up for Twain.  Oddly, I don't think having it on my Kindle is helping matters.

Not much knitting going on at the moment.  Although, I did buy some delicious mohair, and I'm excited about the stole I plan on knitting.

Also, I just delivered N's cowl that I knit her for Christmas.  She loved it, so I'm chaulking that up to a huge success!

Work:
The office is moving to Eagan in either 3rd or 4th quarter.  That means I need to either find a job with them or without them.  If I don't get hired as a temp, I don't want to commute to Eagan.  But if I did get hired, I would consider it.  Especially if we moved to, for example, the Nokomis area.  But if I don't get hired where I'm at, I need to find someplace else to take me.  Because I'm scared to find out what's out there.

I find this whole situation scary as hell.  I feel like I have no 'yes-no' situations; I have a shit-ton of 'if-then' scenarios.  That leaves me with a whole lot of questions and not very many answers.  I like answers.  I like them a lot.

Although Puxatawny Phil is the original, in the Midwest we follow Jimmy the Groundhog.

Now, with the winter we’ve had, it doesn’t really come as a surprise that Jimmy said we’d have an  early spring .  Although, in MN, 6 more weeks of winter IS an early spring.  But really, this winter has been a pre-spring all season long.  And although it doesn’t bode well for global warming, I’ll revel in it after last year.

But the odd thing is, they mention a groundhog blizzard last year in western Wisconsin that I don’t remember at all.  I don’t even remember delivering papers on my birthday, although I must have.  I must have been so sleep deprived that I lost all memory.

Eek!

Who spends 90 minutes farting around on the computer so that they can run down the clock on an important job application?  This guy.

Who has applied for more jobs in the last week (2) than I have in the last six months and is about to pull out her because of it?  This guy.

Who is so sick and tired of being stressed, being broke and having lame, flaky friends that their normal pacifist self has morphed into a prototypical meat-head?

Anyone?

That's right.  This guy.

goal

When I pay off my debts, I’m saving that money for a European tour.  I want to see France, dammit!

I frequently google stuff.  I frequently follow directions to “just google” some pretty obscure references.  I have, however, never failed to get said reference after said googling.

Until now.

I feel shamed.

reading list: update

Am kind of excited.  In the rash of posting 2012 goals/resolutions, I mentioned to a literary friend about this reading list.  She said that we should coordinate and have a bit of a cross-country book club.  So I sent her my list, and we'll see what she says.

I'm a little bit excited about this, I have to say.

As for 2011, I didn't quite make the cut off.  Well, I sort of did.  See, I did acutally read 52 books this year.  In fact, I read 64 books, clocking in at a mere 5.7 days/book.  However, of the orignal dozen or so books I set out to read by the end of this year, I came up short by 2.  But that's because I read an additional 11 books or so.

I think that's pretty cool, and I'm darn proud of myself.

Here's to delving head first into my 2012 list, and well as the primary goal of reducing my library request list from 100 items to 30 by the end of 2012.

Cheers!